Since Tomaso‘s last breath, I have been exploring my birthright as a mystical woman, drawing from the Feminine Divine from eras now past but still accessible from our deep inner resources. I draw from the wisdom of my sisters, nieces, my mother: My mother who rose up into all of her power at the moment of her last breath. I was there to witness that, too.
We suffer because we see ourselves and all of our relationships as permanent and separate. Yet my mother gave me the greatest gift at her passing: the experience of unconditional love. Brother Delaney and Tomaso were there too. All three have joined forces in the great beyond, the great unknowing.
At the moment of my mothers death, all the lines left her face and her energy rushed out of her body through her head to light up the room.
For the next week, at least, I underwent the greatest natural high of my life- sans drugs or alcohol. I suddenly loved everyone without judgment. The experience of unconditional love was unmistakable. It was boundless and free.
That experience is something I draw upon when the ego rears its critical and deprecating presence. But even the ego wants us to love it, especially with humor.
When we die we let go of opinions, concepts, ideas and thinking. A part of me died with my mother. That’s the only way I can explain the experience of thought-less wonderment.
It was my mothers gift to me, one of the most significant moments of my life. It was true joy.
We must find the courage to arouse a joyful spirit even when the energy is not there, when negativity overcomes us, when the duality takes precedence via comparisons, competition, envy, jealousy. But altruistic joy can transform these emotions.
It is compassion for self and others in action. Om