21 days of Complaint Free Living is an exercise in facing the fear, guilt and blame of the ego and replacing these with compassion, fearlessness and courage of the love which is eternal, residing in our deepest well of creative expression.
I haven't met the goal of 21 days of complaint free livin'.
But when I do go for 5-7 days, as has happened recently, I feel clearer and more compassionate.
I also spend much of my time in silence and when I do say something, I give the topic at hand a more positive spin.
My challenges revolve around the current political scene here in America. I've been criticizing political leaders all of my life.
Now it's time to let this go.
And yes critical attitudes and gossip fall into the category of complaining.
I am studying the book written by Will Bowen called "A Complaint Free World."
He is a minister and when he noticed the chronic complaining that was running rampant in his Parrish, he came up with the idea to look at your thoughts, and before you say a negative thing, you simply with hold saying it.
You can think it (the thought doesn't count against you) but saying it means you have to start all over again.
What I've done is get large colored rubber bands at Staples and put one on my wrist. When I complain, I move it over to the other wrist.
The trick is to go 21 days without SAYING one mean, critical, gossip-y or complaining (whining) word, and keep the band or the bracelet of your choice, on the same wrist.
The negative thoughts can be cleared by Ho'oponopono, EFT, The Work of Katie Byron--you name it--use what works for you.
When I reach 21 complaint free days, I will write about it, and explain any of the challenges standing in the path of this success.
May I add that complaining, pity-me, whining, and the fear that accompanies these, simply brings us more of what we don't want, and points to a deep-seated complex of guilt.
Guilt is based on the knee-jerk societal taught belief that either you or the other person deserves to be punished. This belief creates a mindset of relating to the people in our lives or in the news as if we are all here to be judged by one another, deciding who is wrong and who is right, who is innocent and who is guilty.
Guilt is triggered by blame. We think we can get a person to change her behavior by blaming them, perhaps doing so in front of an audience, making that person feel guilty while all at the same time, fighting to deny our own guilt.
Guilt is a game played over and over by people who refuse to see that blame and attack is simply the warped practice of projecting outwardly on to other people their own sense of guilt, shame and feelings of powerlessness.
The game of guilt begins when a person perceives that another person is attacking them or is refusing to give them what that person THINKS she deserves. The response is to attack back, becoming defensive, blaming the other person, and in the attempt to make that other person feel what ever went wrong is HER fault, taking absolutely NO responsibility for the part she played in the event.
The ego wants to win this game, and so the game continues without any resolution UNTIL!!!--one of the people in this fruitless battle sees that the only purpose that guilt supports is the need to be right, which only perpetuates more suffering.
Guilt can be seen as a game of tug-of-war. When one person simply drops one end of the rope and refuses to play because she no longer has the interest for this ego exchange, the other person is alone, holding only a remnant of a belief system that I say is the cause of all human suffering.
Guilt and love are mutually exclusive.
If I choose to play the guilt game, love is not a player.
When I choose to open my heart to love and compassion, guilt suddenly disappears, is no longer a factor, becoming a fragment of a bad dream.
How can you recognize guilt when it surfaces?
1) You blame yourself for a problem or project blame onto someone else
2) You are always apologizing
3) You worry about what other people think about you
4) You are a compulsive helper
5) You hate it when another person is angry at you
6) You routinely act as a doormat
7) You never take time for yourself
8) You compare yourself to others and worry that they are better than you are
9) "Should" and "must" are everyday words
10) You can't stand criticism
11) You are a perfectionist
12) You worry about being selfish
13) You hate to ask for help
14) You can't take compliments gracefully
15) You worry that you will be punished for your sins
16) You can't say "no"
CHOOSE LOVE OVER FEAR AND GUILT
At the beginning of each day, choose love over guilt, fear and anger.
As the day progresses, you may need to recommit to love in all of your interactions, thoughts and actions.
Say only loving and optimistic thoughts. Do not contribute to the world's disharmony by speaking words of anger, criticism, complaint and separation.
This is the only way the Complaint Free Bracelet stays on the same wrist for 21 days.
This is the only way the bad habit of complaining can finally be broken to set you free.
This is when The Birth Of Innocence transforms your perception forever.