The retreat life coupled with living alone gives rise to listening opportunities in my environment, to the inner direction of my mind and higher self, listening to my dear departed love ones beyond the veil.

It’s been snowing over 24 hours here. I live near a busy road and also 1000 steps to a 140 acre sprawling park my dog Pearl and I walk every day. The road is quiet as the hush of the snow lays down several more inches.

Looking at unresolved issues I can no longer ignore is always challenging, but necessary, as we learn to own our own power, in relationship to Divinity. One instance in particular involves my brother‘s wife Jala who refuses to get help from medical personnel, social services, medical advocates yet she lies and says she has. My brother died in July 2020, seven months after Tomaso‘s last breath.

I decided to read my brother Delaney's correspondence with me from 2016 to June 2020, two weeks prior to his passing. His wife had became ill, but balked at help, until she refused all help. At first, Delaney was optimistic about her becoming well, because she promised him she would follow advice from many avenues, but eventually she simply languished away, lost weight, became psychotic as avenues for help dissolved.

Delaney and I wrote back and forth every other day, sometimes every day. We covered topics such as politics, astrology, his diminishing creative life, his own dependence on her ill health, the weather, Tarot cards and death. Back-and-forth, like a volleyball across the net of impermanence.

Our relationships are in truth mirrors to our connection with God. How can we help our loved ones as we fall, because they are intrinsically bonded to us? We can’t always depend on them to pick us back up, especially when illness has served to continue the pity party.

Jala promised me she would get help after my brother’s passing but has not. I can either enable this behavior which has continued for over two years, or listen to Albert Einstein when he said “continuing the same thinking that caused this behavior is insanity.”

It’s hands off. Retreats are good for relinquishing chaos in our lives. OM